Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
