Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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