Me too!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
