what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
