My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
pray to the hookup gods
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
