Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize