A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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