My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
