SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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