I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
