Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
