I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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