It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
