I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
