We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
