walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
