Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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