Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize