It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
