Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
