Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
