I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
