So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
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