the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
