she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
