3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wannas sexs uuuuu
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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