Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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