i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
