i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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