You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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