Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
