This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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