sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
love makes seman taste better
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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