I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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