He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
