I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
