why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
