dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize