I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
