I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
