listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
