you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
