whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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