Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
