you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
