I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize