I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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