Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
