Dual....:-)
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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