omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
