This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it's like iHOP with fire
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
