I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
there is glitter all over my balls
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
