Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
