You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
