wat bout pragnant strippers??
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
