There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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