i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
