they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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