I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
