woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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