you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
