we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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