Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
