yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
