I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
