so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just had sex bonerless
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
