If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
