So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize