tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
