just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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