HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
