I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
