I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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