he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize