I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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