She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You made out with two different species that night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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