she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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