dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
