I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
