I wanna bring you to show and tell
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
