...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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