are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize