Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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