I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize