Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
