a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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