Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
