Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
