She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
