She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I understand Curling. That high.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
