my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
