Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
