I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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