Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
