So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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