I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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