you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You need a sexual gate keeper
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
