Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
