I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
