I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
