is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
