I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
