She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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