Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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