I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
