Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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