That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
zippers are such a cool invention
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
