Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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